ALTERNATIVE DOCTOR, LLC

Family Patterns as it Relates to Death and Dying

D.D. McAdory

According to Murray Bowen’s (1990) research of at least three generations of family history, it was determined that patterns, relationships and coping strategies regarding death is necessary. To accomplish this foreboding task, connecting with family elders and community friends of the family is essential. Thus, during the life course, parents fail sporadically to see how children fit into the familial scheme, when confronted with death. Consequently, if parents fail to cultivate positive intergenerational relationships, especially when handling death, children’s’ interpretation of relationships may falter. For children, the way they view relationships could eventually determine how they will interpret life and how they handle death. While observing family interaction, children can acquire skills on how to think, react and handle life events.

Due to the aforementioned, they also learn how to obtain approval, what determines disapproval and which adult possesses power. Oftentimes during this process, no one is checking to see how their view of family interaction is maturing or if the interpretation of data is appropriate. It is essential to interject, that for generations it was protocol for elders to be respected and acknowledged by the family. Presently, however, with the passage of time and depending upon the culture, this premise is changing; therefore, if elders are not as esteemed, when a catastrophe occurs such as a death, who will offer support? For this reason, it is important for families to discuss death coupled with explaining why death should not be feared. This wisdom can only be ascertained and understood if guided by elders and others who have this inherited knowledge.

For one to acquire coping strategies about death it is necessary to ascertain family history regarding rituals or traditions on how to handle this life changing event. Therefore, if death is a spiritual time of reflection on an individuals’ life and contributions to the family, then is it important to decide how he/she will be remembered? For example, if it is important to reflect and remember, then it should be a time of celebration if this is a family tradition. Another tradition would be for the person to celebrate their life before death; that is, set aside time for the family to celebrate life wherein flowers or praises are bestowed upon a person as an expression of love. Subsequently, if the previous act of celebration is not a family tradition, it could be initiated by following the guidelines in the book tuesdays with Morrie, (Albom, 1997). In the book previously mentioned, the author indicated that he had asked family and friends to celebrate his life before he died. This process allowed his eventual death to be reflective and not sad as most death celebrations tend to be.

In summary, death is a transition from a physical to a non-physical state where family members are remembered through keepsakes, conversations, anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays; but above all spiritually. Basically, to comprehend the present, journeying through the family life cycle by conversing with elders is a must, according to Murray Bowen (1990). Thus, if the task of coping with the transition of a love one from life to death is accomplished, one could view death as a part of life that must be faced if functioning in the present is crucial. Further, by viewing life/death through the voices/visions of three or more generations of family members, children could become either successful or unsuccessful individuals. In essence, failure to remain connected to family values and traditions could lead to problems in handling future family deaths.

Remember, this is the Season to be thankful, share family traditions, and fond memories of those who have transitioned from Life to Death!

References:

Albom, Mitch. (1997). tuesdays with Morrie. New York: Random House.

Bowen, Murray. (1990). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Northvale, N.J.:

Jason Aronson Inc.

D.D. McAdory is an assistant professor in the department of sociology, anthropology & social work at the University of South Alabama. She is also an author and monthly contributor to columbusblack.com

Marjorie Jones, M.Ed., a retired educator and administrator edited this article.